21
Jun

Glory Baby

Sat here feeling very much 37 weeks pregnant:

swollen feet – check

crazy unstable emotions – check (sorry matthew)

ever expanding belly – check

sleepless nights – check

crib built – check

a big long list of things i want to get done before baby arrives – check

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And i’m grateful. So grateful for all the above. In all the uncomfortableness, making a baby is a beautiful gift. And i can’t wait to meet this little one. It’s taken me 37 weeks to actually stop and realise that I’m pregnant. With Issy running around and consuming all my time, this little one hasn’t really had a look in. But now i’ve finished work, I’m trying to rest, and have some me time, and focus my mind. To be still, and thank God for his faithfulness and his peace. To prepare my mind for the joy that is labour! Because, in this resting, I’m reminded of a little one that didn’t make it this far. My glory baby. Who was promoted to heaven a bit earlier than was expected.

Last April we had a miscarriage. I know too well that this is a familiar story for so many… I started bleeding at 10 weeks, so we had a scan. Heartbeat was fine, and everything looked healthy. But the bleeding continued, so we had another scan. There was no heartbeat this time. We had issy with us, and amazingly, my Dad was also in the hospital having a check up, so he came and took Issy while we tried to digest the news. Devastated, we went home, and I basically miscarried that afternoon. It was really painful physically and emotionally as we wanted to have faith for a good report. At what point do you stop praying for this life, and accept whats happening. We prayed, and released the baby to God whatever the outcome, but it was a hard tension with believing for a miracle. But i knew my body was miscarrying, I knew the baby was gone. All three of us on the bed, praying, worshiping, issy copying my “pain” face and jumping on me (a beautiful little distraction) – it was a really surreal afternoon but a beautiful one that i’ll never forget – knowing God’s peace and his loving arms around me, with my two faves, saying goodbye to one that’ll we’ll see another day. I miss them everyday, but i know they’re safe enjoying heaven’s lullaby.

About two months before this, God had put a scripture on my heart, and i really felt the need to memorise it. Romans 15:13 – I never do this. I wish i did it more. It consumed me. Filled me. Grew in me. I knew it was truth. It was God preparing me to have hope on the very day that would feel hopeless…

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It was weird, but i had “all joy and all peace” – for He is the God of hope. He is faithful. I did grieve. I cired a lot. My hormones were all over the place and it took time for my body to heal and for me to be in a place to try again, but in the midst of the storm, i was so thankful that God had prepared my heart with his words, to know that He is the God of hope and that despite my circumstances, i could still have His peace and joy, that only comes from knowing Him. (below: issy being my joy in the middle of the miscarriage)

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He is with us in the pain, and He will turn your mourning in dancing. He is the God of Hope.

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This song came on my spotify the other night. I cried again. And i thanked God for His hope and this new little one. Glory Baby, by Watermark
If you’re still waiting, keep holding on to hope. He is faithful. And if he is speaking to you through his word, don’t let it pass and don’t rush on. Let it grow. Let it sink in. It’ll be for a reason. I’m so thankful i stayed on those words of hope with my glory baby.

 

 

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